It's Your Choice
“Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. That would be sad. If two people were married and ... they just had a great thing and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times."
- LOUIS C.K.
We pack a lot of emotional expectation into the institution of marriage. From childhood, we see images of blissful couples, capering about in their tuxedos and gowns, bedecked with toothy grins beneath floral arches as family and friends look on, caught up in the moment. At the front end, marriage is the epitome of hope – and hope is something every sane person wants to embrace.
Magazines, TV specials and catalogs then go about the happy business of filling our heads with the ecstasy that inevitably follows: scenes of satisfied couples relaxing atop tasteful picnic blankets while cherubic children frolic nearby without ever having explosive diarrhea or trying to kill one another over possession of a particular toy.
Even when we grow up in homes where parents succumb to the pressures of being adults, and love devolves to something more closely resembling contempt, we latch onto the image of marriage as a big bag of joy. Yet despite the fact that we may have seen it at its worst – and maybe because of that – we’re conditioned to believe we’ll get it right.
But TV specials and catalogs are often full of shit. Marriage can most certainly be wonderful. But despite our best efforts and intentions, it can also be downright lousy. And when that reality sinks in, even the unknowns of divorce can seem downright blissful. So we decide to give it a spin.
And when divorce happens, both parties have a choice:
We can dive deep into the strangely attractive realm of contempt and conflict, fighting tooth and nail with the spouse we once loved unconditionally to “win” the battle for public perception, mutual friends, marital belongings and child custody;
Or we can step back – particularly when children are involved – and strive for a resolution that seeks something much closer to kindness, for our children, for our ex, for our family and friends, and for ourselves.
We call the latter Happily Demarried.
It’s the path we chose, and it’s one we wholeheartedly endorse. And thus far, our kids seem to agree – even when our now-strong post-divorce relationship means they’re still accountable to a shared set of rules and values.
Happily DeMarried is resource that’s all about getting divorced, keeping your kids from becoming the unfortunate grass beneath two battling elephants, and accepting the fact that divorce might just be the best thing you can do to find real happiness, to protect your kids, and to keep your family from falling apart.